A little bit longer

Its been a while since I have been here. Vann your 1 year angelverssary is coming up in 3 days. I have thought about so many ways to remember you. Then I realized, I will never forget you. It doesnt matter what day it is, what time a year it is, mommy is always thinking about you.

It been a crazy year to say the least. Mommy and daddy got married in August. And Im sure you know we lost a baby in septemeber. I hope you are keeping him safe until I get to hold you both.

We are expecting a little baby in July. No one knows yet, because we are want to make sure we get to a safe place in the pregnancy before we get to excited. Daddy thinks its a girl and is very positive everything is going to be fine. Mommy well I just want a healthy baby and can only focus on that right now.

I dont have much else to say today. I will try to be back often to tell you about the baby and how things go. Tomorrow we will be 7weeks. So maybe I will be here Every monday. I miss you son but I know you are with me every day. I love you so much.

Happy Easter Vann

Happy 1st Easter Vann. I know you had a PERFECT day. I love you so much.

<3 Mommy

Four Months

No mother thinks that this will happen to them, but here I am 4 months since you left. Lost, angry and very heartbroken. Seemed like yesterday I was at the Dr.s listening to your precious heartbeat. I remember the last time I heard that sweet sound. How I yearn for that moment back, just to listen to it again. Another holiday is coming and will pass with out you here baby boy. Four months ago your grew your angel wings. You will never know the pain of this world, you are perfect and beautful. I love you Vann, Happy 4 month birthday! :) Hope you got a lot of decorations and celebrating! <3
Love, Mommy

Mommies with Angels

Vann,      
  I have met another mommy like me. A mommy to a very sweet angel baby boy. His name is Tristian. I love him and although I have never met his mommy I love her too. She is wonderful and we can go on and on about anything we desire to talk about that day. She knows, that a good day can make a 180 in the blink of an eye. It can be something that came in the mail, a post on face book, any little reminder of our babies can change our mood. Sometimes for the good. I thank God for her, and I know that our babies are hanging out playing waiting on us to get there. They are probably up there laughing at us. :) We love you boys and hope you have become as close as we have.
Love always,
Mommy

Oh I miss you Son :(

A miracle has happened. A  life has begun

"Are you there, God?" "Yes, I am here, Vann," the Lord whispered.

"Where am I?" "You are in the womb of your mother," God smiled.

"Oh. What is that sound?" Vann asked. "It is the voice of your mother, Vann. She is singing to you."

"Its beautiful." "Yes, she loves you very much," God said.

"I feel warmth on my back," Vann whispered. "Yes, she is rubbing her stomach, caressing you the best she can right now. She is speaking to Me about you. She is asking Me to care for you."

"I will kick her back so she knows I love her too," Vann said excitedly. God smiled.

"Now what is she saying, God?" "Your mother is laughing, Vann."

"She is happy, isn't she God?" "Yes,Vann, she is happy."

"I hear a different sound. What is that" "It is the voice of you dad."

"He sounds strong". Vann said. "Yes," answered God.

"Does he love me too?" "More than his own life," God whispered.

"When do i get to see him, God?" "Not for awhile, my son."

"I'm not feeling so well, God." "I know my son, but soon you will fly."

"I will fly?" "Yes," God smiled.

"Will my mother fly with me?" "Someday," God said.

"I think I am ready," Vann whispered. ""I know, my child."

"Is it time to fly now, God?" "Yes," God said gently and wiped his eyes.

"When will I see you, God?" "Very soon, My son."

--

"Is that my mother and dad?" "Yes, Vann," God said and pulled the child unto his lap.

"Why are they crying?" "They cry for you, My child," God answered as He wrapped His arms around the boy.

"Why do they cry for me?" Vann asked. "Because they want to hold you in their arms."

"But instead You hold me in your arms, huh, God?" "Yes, my son," God said.

"Why does that make them sad? I like it in Your arms!" "They love you very much, my son, It can make a mommy's and daddy's heart sad when they don't get to hold their children - I know how it feels to watch My Child die."

"Have I died, God?" "Just on earth, Vann."

"I don't feel dead. I feel very much alive! Watch how fast I can run!" Vann crawled down from God's lap. "Yes, Vann, you are fast,". God clapped.

"Now watch me fly!" Vann said as he soared high. "You are amazing!" God laughed.

Vann settled back into the safety of God's arms and said, "When will my parents fly, God?" "Someday, my child."

"Will we fly together?" "Yes, Vann My mark is on their foreheads."

"Good."Vann said. Will you tell them I am safe and happy?" "I will comfort them, my dearest child."

"Will they be happy again?" "Yes, child. They will heal."
"And someday we will all get to be with You, huh, God?" "Yes, Vann. Someday," God promised.

"I love you, God," Vann said as he snuggled close to God. "I love you too son," God said as He put His hand on Vann’s head. "Take good care of my parents until they fly!" Vann said.

"I promise," God whispered. 

Been a While

Well where to start...Its been a while since I have been here. There is so much going on lately its hard to stop and see what is actually going on around me. I miss Vann terribly. I think about how far a long I would have been, and at this point, I would have had a "viable" pregnancy. And probably have a very small child in the NICU fighting for life. Its been 3 months and it seems like we just said goodbye. I often wonder how different life would be if he was still here with us. We lit 3 candles and released a balloon on 3-5-12. Mommy and daddy miss you baby and we know we have a very special angel watching over us! <3

Some other things that have been going on. We found out that my daddy has rectal cancer. This is very hard for me to accept. And I am still having trouble coming to terms with how serious it really is. I just think of my dad as my rock and now he is very sick. I am heart broken that something bad could happen to him. I know we have come a long way in treating cancer but its still a very scary thing. He started Chemotherapy on 3-5-12 and he is being released today 3-8-12 to start radiation next week. As of right now they are saying that they will remove his rectum and give me a bag. Yes, there is a big word for it, but not 100% sure how to spell it. LOL. Anyway ON a happier note with my dad. We did have a birthday party for him at my house 2-15-12. His sister, brother, nieces, and me and my sister were all there and had a great time!! :) couldnt have planned it any better! I love you Daddy! Praying for many more years with you. You are a fighter and I know you can make it through this.

I miss you

HI sweet  boy! I miss you so much and have been thinking about you a lot today. There has been so much giong on lately! Mommy and daddy decided to wait a year to try to have a new baby. YAY! you will eventually be a big brother! And I know it will be very hard for me to be excited about the pregnany. I am scared, and never want to go through this again.  But I am very thankful for the 16 weeks I got with you. Kaden will be 2 when we start trying again, so that means he could be almost 3 by the time a new baby is here (God willing). I think that is a good space of time, Kaden will be out of diapers (hopefully)! :)
Anyway, I wanted to just come say hi! I met a new friend, she lives in another state, but its nice to have someome to talk to who knows what I am going through. I miss you so much baby boy.
 I hope the hospital calls me and lets me know your pictures are here soon.
LOVE YOU,
MOMMY!

Sandwhich fun!

Now that I have a Toddler, I am looking for exciting things to do for food! I thought making him fun snacks with with sandwhiches, fruit and veggies would be fun! And as he gets older it will be fun for us to make things together!! :) Here are a few of the pictures of things I would like to try!

I love Giraffes and I think this is just too cute! I know it will take me a lot longer to make this than it will take for Kaden to eat it!! :)

CATAPILLAR

ROBOTS! Very creative! I am sure mine wont come out just like these, and the heart is a cute touch!!

Link to find how to make them!!! http://www.funkylunch.com/

FISHES!

Its Hump Day!

Ok, its been a couple of days since I have wrote anything. A few things I need to catch up on, and something new I started! Lets start with the couponing!:

Ok, So I got 2 sunday papers! Thought I would stock up on the coupons I guess. I went through the CVS add for the sales that will be giong on till the 22nd! So I have plenty of time (more than enough time) to get it together!  When I gather the coupons I will be using with the add and what not I try my best to explain my "game plan". Just have to say couponing does take some time, but I know it will be worth it, and I also enjoyed the time to myself too! Save money doing something I will enjoy, sounds like a winner to me!

Monday, I started working out! Time to lose this baby weight from both of my pregnancies! I would like to back to a healthier weight before trying to have another baby also, so I am very determined to do this. It seems like it has been forever since I have get my self to a goal and been so excited to reach it. I am at 176 now and I am 5'9. My goal is to be 145-150, I know that losing 30lbs might be hard to do, but GO BIG OR GO HOME! :) I got a membership to a gym, its open 24 hrs, so I will be able to get on a schedule. Kaden is in daycare till 6, and I can get to the gym at 430. So I think that is plenty of time for an afternoon work out! We are also giong to be running in the mornings before we go to the gym. Think it will be good for us to get some fresh air before we go to work anyway! So do the warm-up outside in the mornings, go the gym for about an hour, then home to get ready for work! I think that once its starts becoming the "normal" morning routine for us it will be GREAT!

Pictures!

A wonderful photo shoot from saturday! Sara did a wonderful job! Kaden enjoyed himself, and was all over the place! Glad we got a some good ones!!

Stuff and Things

    

I have been thinking about Vann quite a bit today. Could be all the pregnancies around me, I of course am happy for them, but I feel sorry for myself. I dont want to feel this way, but I dont know how to not feel like this some days. Its amazing how there are so many different emotions, so many feelings! Some things so small has made such a huge impact on our lives! He is a blessing, and a wonderful gift from God. I know he was brought to me for a reason and I will cherish the short time I had with him forever!! He has made me appreciate everything so much more. And when you stop and appreciate the little things in life, you see so much more of your "richness"! Those things money cant buy. The little baby kisses in the morning, the warm snuggly hugs before bed. Sometimes, the excitment of every day activites sometimes "runs over" the little things. Those sweet little moments that you look back on and say......"that seemed so long ago"! I do have those days still but I let them happen a lot less! Kaden is growing and changing so quickly I just cant let these days pass me by.

Couponing! BRING IT ON!

Lets see, cut coupons.....go to store, save money. Sounds OH so simple, but I am not too sure I will be good at it. I know (well I have read) couponing is suppose to be fun! What isnt fun about save money and leaving a store with FREE stuff? I tell you what, I am determined to get my free stuff. But cutting coupons, organizing for store set up, choose stores, knowing sales at which stores........sounds STRESSFULL! But I am going to start from the very beginning, start small and I am going to play the game! :)

Alrighty, where am I going to start? From my research...(hahah I have been researching how to coupon. (nerd))  So this is how I am giong to start my couponing journey and we will see where it gets me! I will post everything as I go, the coupons, where I get them and everything else coupons!!

OK, I guess for starters, we will start with choosing a drug store. You are suppose to be able to get free, or really cheap items at drug stores.
Easy enough, CVS, its close to the house, and I believe there are a couple on my way to work! OK step one done. CVS has a card and when you use the card on specific Items you recieve Extra  Bucks (EB's) I already have on of the cards so I am ready to go.

I am going to start off small, I dont want to over whelm myself and end up giving up because I get too frustrated! I do know you need to know the stores coupon policy! I have already looked, read and printed it out. Its the first thing in my empty notebook in a clear plastic sleeve!!

Next I will printing coupons, and looking in the sunday paper, and cutting the  manufacturer qs and looking at CVS's sales

Kaden in the Toddler room!

As a first time mommy, I would have really liked to be able to stay home with him. Be able to teach him every day, read books, and do all the mommy things. But life doesnt always work the way we hoped it would. Which in most cases, it turns out to be a blessing! I work full time and Kaden goes to daycare. I know its good for him, he gains more social skills this way also. Kaden is in the toddler room and is the yongest one in the room. A room full of bigger, walking toddlers! He does so good in there. Friday (1/6/12) Jim picked him up after work, and Kaden WALKED to him! :) And when he got home, he had made something at daycare:

Who would have known, that a small plate with some crayon scribbles and some wiggly eyes could make you feel so warm inside you want to cry! These are the moments I will forever treasure.

A month has passed..............

Its been a month since we said good bye to you sweet boy. I cant believe you arent here with us, I cant believe its been a month. The time seemed to pass so slow but some how, we got here so fast. I Think about you every day. I wonder how your little kicks would feel and how much I would be showing right now. Its so hard, I HATE this. Some days are just so overwhelming for me. I come to work, but I am not sure if I am really here...

I dream about you often, some are good and you are a little baby and I am holding you, and some....not so good. I hate when they arent good, I get woken by them and I cant seem to go back to sleep. I know that the days of good are coming quite more often than the bad but it dont make the bad days any better.

Though you were only with us for a short time I had plans for you, thoughts of how you would look, what you would be. Losing you has been so hard in dealing with those feelings. I dont get to see you smile and grow and learn. The plans I had for you have been ripped away from me, and at times its too unbearable to think about. No one should have to feel this pain, and although we know God has a plan, it dont make the sadness, anger, or emptyness I feel go away. I will get to be with you again one day and that will be GLORIOUS DAY!

Happy One month birthday Vann Myles. I love you and miss you bunches! xoxo, MOMMY

For easy meals, My new found love

This is an amazing piece of cookware, its Like a crockpot with no cord and many more options on what you can cook!

I have had it for quite a while before I cooked with it. It was so simple to make a meal with I will using it often.  Its sold by celebrating home.

The first meal I cooked in the bean pot:

Taco Soup

1 Lb ground beef, cooked & drained

1 - 28 oz can kidney beans*

1 - 28 oz can diced tomatoes*

1 -14 oz can corn *  (*DO NOT drain liquid)

Add all ingredients into the bean pot and cover.  

Add 1-2 packets of  taco seasoning OR 1 pkg Celebrating Home Southwestern Chipotle dip mix and stir.

 Cook in microwave for 20 minutes.  

Serve with sour cream, cheese and corn chips

This was awesome, even Kaden loved it!

What we had for dinner last night, I served it on a bed of rice. This is easy to over cook, if you use less chicken dont cook it as long or add extra soup.

Easy ChickenPlace ingredients in Bean Pot in following order:6 boneless, skinless, chicken breasts1 can cream of mushroom soup1 can cream of chicken soupSprinkle 1/2 envelope of LiptonOnion Soup MixBake 6 -8 hrs at 250 degrees.  Cook 2 cups of instant rice & serve with your favorite veggies

2012!

A NEW year! This is always exciting for everyone! Time for a "fresh" start on life! All the new years resolutions, and football parties!...Congrats to the Texans fans you get to enjoy a playoff game! :) I am a Dallas fan and as sad as it is to see us not make it to the playoffs I am excited to see what the Texans do!
Last year was full of so many lessons, good days, bad days, and REALLY bad days. Losing Vann I have to say was the hardest day of the year. Mommy loves you baby, and I miss you so much. And I am sure there will be quite a few rough days this year with his due date and such. But I have good support and strong faith the get me through those days. I am glad to be starting a new year and seeing what is in store!
I do have a toddler now, who I am sure will keep me on my feet! He took his first "really good" steps yesterday 1-3-12 and even started giving kisses!! :) He its just growing so fast and learning so much! :)
We started out the new year with lots of fun too! We went to the playground, and to the zoo!

Riding his power wheel!

Kaden Loved the park! He enjoys being outside. He doesn't like the swings to much though. And at the zoo, all Kaden wanted to do was look at the fish! :) We had a good time! glad we had a weekend off together to enjoy the new year!